Thanks to Dee

I started this post so many times but I had to keep deleting my words, 

I'm at loss for words, me the queen of babble. 

I'm overwhelmed. 

I started my day in tears and you managed to make me ecstatic by the end of the day.

They say when one door closes another door opens, 

and I guess that’s true if you’ve got a wonderful person who loves you to help inch that door open…. Thanks Baby

The Curse of the New Laptop

My first laptop was a gift from my Dad. He purchased it and presented it to me, fait accompli. I had no say about the brand or the specs but hey, it worked and it was a gift, so who was I to look a gift horse in the mouth. I learned to love my faithful 14" Compac. We had good times and bad times together.
When C finally outlived its usefulness, I decided to upgrade. I choose C's replacement; and this I did with CARE. The new laptop was pricier than initially budgeted for but I loved it. I simply adored it. C had instilled in me a love for small, portable laptops and all things Helwett Packard, so my new laptop was an 14" HP envy, special edition. A wonderful machine with excellent specs and features for its time.
When I got that new "HP envy" about four years ago, I walked around with an unbelievable high. So, when less than a month after I got it, some idiot with Robin Hood tendencies climbed through my window in my Hostel and deprived me of my new baby I was understandably devastated. I sat on the floor of my pal Nelson's room that morning and bawled my eyes out. I had a little breakdown that morning and I don't think I ever recovered from that loss.
 My dad gifted me with another laptop to replace baby, a Sony VAIO, a huge monstrosity of a machine, that performed admirably and survived a lot of disasters but that I never particularly bonded with. When the VAIO, after fighting the good fight for over three years, finally gave up the ghost (with a little help from ECG, but that's a whole new blog post) I selected my next laptop based on my preferences, and obtained yet another HP envy and this baby was fully loaded. It was love at first sight.
Now considering my prior experience with midnight bandits and HP envys I was understandably apprehensive about my new purchase; but seriously what are the odds? I mean lightning doesn't strike twice in the same spot, right? RIGHT? Wrong... to an extent.
Another generous soul attempted to deprive me of my newly acquired possession via a window at night. Luckily my Envy survived the larceny attempt and the aspiring felon had to make do with my Blackberry and beloved digital camera.
Now don't get me wrong I'm grateful my laptop wasn't stolen but I can't help feeling like HP envy and me are a bad combination. I miss my Phone dearly, particularly as I'm no position to buy a new one any time soon (excuse me, I just bought a laptop? money does not grow on trees you know) and don't get me started on the information I lost with the Phone and Camera (Yes, I know I should have backed up My Info, I meant to, just wasn't expecting to lose the dratted phone, so sue me).  I guess the curse still remains though it may have changed in form.

Prep Time

So last night, I spent some time reading through my old posts. I observed several things;

First of all there were a lot of typos, and I mean a lot! wow. I guess I have to learn to read through my posts before putting them up for the world to see.

Secondly, I was very self derogatory in several of my posts, which is funny because in reality I think very highly of myself.

Lastly and Sadly, my bold proclamations and promises last night were not a first time thing. they were a recurring theme in my posts. I have decided not to let this derail me, so what if I have made these resolutions on several occasions? So what if I have never once followed through to the end? If at first you don't succeed. I guess you just try again.

However a wise man once told me that Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result, so I guess I'd better come up with a better way of achieving results other than blogging about my attempts.

The serial novel is however a go. I created a new blog for it, (clean slate and all that) so check it out when you get the time http://serialnovella.blogspot.com/
some of you may already be familiar with the beginning but this time I intend to finish it

The Final Fresh Start

The Hiatus is officially over;I'M BACK! 

So I'm a fully qualified and "gainfully" employed legal practitioner. I'm no longer a student (well technically I'm taking some finance classes, so I guess I'm no longer a Full time student). I spend a majority of my time drafting dry legal proceedings, I've even started dreaming about work and I desperately need a creative outlet so I'm back to where it all began; here with y'all (yes I'm fully aware no one reads this Blog).

I'm undertaking two projects. The first one is inspired by my favourite "Form 1 girl" and fellow blogger Rambling Loner. I'm going to try my hand at writing a serial novel, I'm not sure what it will be about or if it will even be any good but I'll try and I will see it through to an end, be it good or bad.

Secondly, I'm undertaking a self improvement project. I have issues, some I adore and several I avoid thinking about as they depress me. This year I'll address Three of said depressing issues: my weight, my laziness or as I prefer to call it, disorganisation and my lack of "follow through" (which probably stems from my laziness and disorganisation). And to ensure that I follow through I will document my efforts, here, on this blog (sorry in advance, you might be in for some really self absorbed posts).

I hope at the end of the year I'm proud of myself, that at the end of the year I'm a little bit better than I was at the beginning of the year. 

Naturally(for me anyway) I make all these decisions at the start of March, the month of my birth. Maybe this time, for the first time, I'll surprise myself... 

Today.

I took the time to cry today, to let out all my pain.
Its been a while since I cried like this,
Since I felt pain this true.
I took the time to vent today, to write down all my woes
In black and white, my list of woes lost more than half their power.
I took the time to pray today, to ask my God for His Grace
To ask for guidance, pray for hope
To seek the Lord in prayer.
I took the time to Be today, be still and find my peace,
To look through all my pain and woes and see the good beneath.
To count my blessing great and small, to know that joy persists,
To remember that someone may leave but others yet remain
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana

CHAOS

I sit here moving the food around on my plate. I have lost my appetite and knowing me that's a big deal, I look up at you across the table from me. you haven't made much of dent in your meal either, I guess you are mad at me.

I understand your anger, I would be mad too if someone kept snapping at me all the time for every little thing. I give up the pretence of eating and go for what I really need; a drink. you look at me with accusations in your eyes, I ignore you.

Yes! I have been drinking a lot recently, Yes! I have been a bitch and then some, but truth is I'm heartbroken and I feel like there is no coming back from what happened. I know I said I had forgiven you and when I said it, I meant it. When I hear your voice, see your face I can forgive you for anything. Then afterwards, when I'm on my own I start to worry and the pain and confusion come back and I get upset all over again.

Worst part of all of this is the confusion I feel about everything. Someone once told me that what starts in chaos ends in chaos; so considering the chaotic way we came together a part of me has been waiting for the chaotic finale and I can't help feeling like it's here; that we are over.

I can't live without you, but right now I can't seem to live with you. I love you, God knows I love you but I'm soo angry.

I turn to look at you and it all falls away, the anger, the confusion, the pain, in this moment I know that all I want is you. I love you. I walk over to you, put down my drink, hold your face and say, "I love you, I'm sorry it took me this long to realise that that was more important than anything you may have done to me, please don't be mad at me any more."

You look at me and smile and suddenly there is sense in the chaos.

Size Matters

So I may have inadvertently impugned some guy's masculinity on twitter, sorry, but it got me thinking.
Size; is bigger always better?
Let's start with boobs since I have a set of those and while I'm not a member of the itty-bitty-titty parade, I'm no double d bombshell either I'm average. But I don't think I'd mind if I were smaller, hey I'm happy I got some cuz they took their sweet time getting here.
I mean isn't their purpose to provide u with a means feeding your young? So as long as u r capable of providing sustenance for your progeny, what does it matter if your tools are ant bite sized or gigantic double d's?
And dude, u don't shoot blanks and u don't have a problem rising to the occasion, what does it matter if u are equipped with a derringer or shotgun?
Well since I'm not naïve or innocent I know that to a lot of people it does matter, you've heard all the er.... Perks of being less endowed. For the ladies they say gravity doesn't get to you as much, you'll be perky long after boobilicious has flattened out, and hey usually small up means u get the booty to compensate and who doesn't like a nicely shaped derrière?
For the little men, praise about the stamina, endurance, excellent technique and willingness to please are heaped on their heads by many. Its not the size of the liner but the motion of the ocean.
But don't these platitudes just bring to bear the point that size matters? Bigger is better and we have to find something to tell those who fall below average to bolster their egos?
Personally I don't think size is important in these instances. I mean why should the fact u are smaller through no fault of yours but just your luck in genetic material determine your desireability to the opposite sex?
If u are obese then size matters because that's something that you can do something about, but how big or small your boobs are, are beyond your control.
Anyone that picks you or rejects you because of how big or small your endowments are is a superficial idiot, but then that's just my opinion, what do I know?
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana