Ode to Blue!

You are not the only one; at least not anymore.
At a point in time, you were my life but not anymore.
My heart has room for two; or maybe even more.
But don't despair, this doesn't mean I love the new one more.
Just that the flash that comes with the new has currently blinded me to what is true.
And that is you and me.
But baby please remember me, and the love I have for you
So though it seems I pay you no mind, I would never give you up
I moved heaven and earth to ensure that I could have you both
I love you both just in different ways, not one more than the other.
You were my first, the one I choose for no other reason but for what you are
I saw a picture of you and knew you were meant to be mine and somehow we came to be.
So now you are not the only one but remember boo this is not the first time another had infringed on our love, and what was the end of that interloper?
So bear with my as I have my fling and know to you, I will always return...
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana

Just So You know

I do not know exactly when I decided to be a lawyer, I do know what period of my life when I was positive law was what I wanted to study. It was when I first met you. You saw me sitting in the reception looking lost, invited me to follow you to court and changed the course of my internship from the worst to the best ever. I talked about you constantly that vacation, no wonder I have no desire to work with anyone else.
You made me feel smart and special and had me convinced me that I was on the right track.
Then the vacation ended, I went back to school and everything fell apart. I would like to give a reasonable explanation for my actions but I cannot, anything I say would sound trite and derisory. Though you will probably not believe me, the inanity that guided my actions are still a mystery to me. Now all our interactions are stilted and awkward, me because of guilt and regret, and I can only fathom a guess as to the reason for your disregard (disappointment, indifference).
I miss the 'us' from that vacation, but it will never be that way again. I could apologise but I have, so many times, and gone back to old habits so I guess 'sorry' loses impact after so many repititions.
I write this now because I made it to law school (barely) and you are constantly on my mind. When I think 'lawyer' well you pop into my mind. I said I was happy You didn't take the lecturing job, but I failed to explain myself; It's not because I think you would not be great at it, because you would, you are a natural mentor, but because I am selfish, You are my 'guru'(at least in my mind), I do not want my whole class benefitting from you, plus I would not be able to bear being in your class and being ignored by you.
Oh if you read my earlier post 'soundtrack' then your song is 'Refuge' by John Legend.

Soundtrack

Megalomania:

psychiatric disorder with delusions of power: a psychiatric disorder in which the patient experiences delusions of great power and importance

Microsoft® Encarta® 2009. © 1993-2008 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

So all through my childhood, I harboured this secret belief ( secret cuz even at that age I knew how insane people would find me) that my life was a movie starring yours truly as the protagonist; everyone I met was just a character in the movie of my life put on this earth so they could have a role in my life, the people I passed on the street, created to be extras in said movie and as the star of the movie no one was more important than me! I even had voice overs and soundtracks or theme music for significant scenes in my life.

Now older and wiser I suspect this is not necessarily the case, I know the world does not revolve around me but I did keep certain aspects of my childhood delusions. I still do voice overs for certain moments in my life, always in my head of course, and the music also remained.

There are several songs that I will always associate with particular events and people in my life; like John legend's album 'Get lifted' will always be the music I remember when I think of the year after I finished Secondary School, when I think about my Mum the song I remember is Nana Acheampong's 'na enka be yeden na ye wo ya' cuz we used to dance to it at every party we went to; my pal from SS, any Missy Elliot Song cuz in my mind a Missy song played every time she walked into the room, the theme song for my first year in college was 'conceited' by Remy.

Some people, their theme music changes from time to time, like my boyfriend, when we met it was 'Me and You' by Cassie, then when we first started going out it 'Can't leave him alone' ciara ft 50cents, then 'No Air' Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown, and now its Forever By M.I.; my dear friend has also had a lot of songs and we are finally on 'count on me' by Bruno Mars.

Music means a lot to me and I'm always up for trying new songs of different genres, I suppose that's why most of my emotions towards people are linked with music, if I know you and have any kind of association with you, I've probably assigned a song to you so when you see me ask me what your theme song is...

BELOVED

I try so hard to tell you exactly how I feel about you but I can never seem to find the exact words.
So I hope and pray you know without me saying the words out loud.
That you know that when I call you with nothing in particular to say, it's because I miss you.
That when i stare at you with a smile on my face, not saying a word, I'm thinking about how much I love you.
I hope you know that you can come to me whenever, with whatever and I would drop it all to be there for you.
That nothing you do to me is unforgiveable, that nothing you say is wrong, as long as it's honest.
That more than anything I want to know you, all of you, everthing about you, your fears, hopes, worries and dreams and I hope you can share them with me; that I want you to know me and wish I could share it all with you even those things that I hide from myself.
I want you to know how great I think you are, and all the times I go on and on about how wonderful I find you, it's not flattery, just simple truth.
I would give the world to fall asleep beside you for one more night, the whole night long, so in the morning when I wake up, yours is the first face I see, but unfortunately the world is not mine to give.
I love you.

Random

I had all these topics i wanted to share with all of you this morning; from my views on the new confusing developments in the whole hijacked bus situation, to how much i hate being dependant on my parents for financial support at my advanced age and how much I miss my boyfriend cuz nowadays it seems like even when i do see him we are both so pre-occupied I don't seem to get my fix of him.
However i cant discuss any of these significantly more interesting topics because frankly i do not feel like it. I woke up this morning in a really wierd mood. Everyone around me was pissing me off, for no aparent reason. I found myself missing the wierdest missing people; like my roommate from final year and my best friend from boarding school, actually think I might have dreamt about them.
Thing is i couldn't talk about what i wanted to talk about this morning because considering my emotional state it is very likely that i'll be very irrational in my views but I still wanted to blog hence this very random post.

The Boogieman Exists!

Okay I was wrong and they were right. This place just might kill me yet. I was rash in assuming that just because they survived it I would too.

I've gone through my educational life doing just enough to get by, I've never been the best student in my class but I was never the worst either. People always told me if these were the grades I got when I was not a particularly serious student then imagine what I could achieve if I actually made an effort.

Well first of all, just because I don't kill myself doesn't mean the grades I get are effortless because trust me, I put in a lot of effort; and secondly what makes you'all so sure this isn't the most I'm capable of?

Anyway, I decided to find out once and for all; to actually put in all the effort I was capable of and finally know my full potential, well I really picked a crappy place to start being serious!

The workload is incredible and I can hardly keep my head above water. I can't sleep because of the large number of the stuff I have to read and analyse, and exhaustion drives me to literally fall asleep in my books. I woke up this morning with bags under my eyes! (yet still no weight loss)

Studying and going to school from Home for the first time in like SEVEN years ( who am I kidding; its more like the first time ever cuz I never studied in primary school or JSS) is also not helping!

I just hope I survive it, and no matter what happens at least I know I tried and that at one point in my life I actually gave something my all, and if this experience is anything to go by then I have some really great people in my life: people who listen to my whine, a boyfriend who don't complain when school continually trumps hanging out with him, a mum that drives me to and from school so I don't have to resort to public transportation ( and by this I mean Trotro! seriously I need a car, if you want to contribute to my car fund let me know and I'll tell you how You can send my the Money or Keys) and then doesn't snap back when I snap at her because I'm tired and cranky and she asked 'how was school?', a sister who buys me lunch everyday, a friend that stays online with me so I don't fall asleep when I have school work to catch up on, the list goes on and on, love you all and who knows maybe I will survive this yet.