Today.

I took the time to cry today, to let out all my pain.
Its been a while since I cried like this,
Since I felt pain this true.
I took the time to vent today, to write down all my woes
In black and white, my list of woes lost more than half their power.
I took the time to pray today, to ask my God for His Grace
To ask for guidance, pray for hope
To seek the Lord in prayer.
I took the time to Be today, be still and find my peace,
To look through all my pain and woes and see the good beneath.
To count my blessing great and small, to know that joy persists,
To remember that someone may leave but others yet remain
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana

CHAOS

I sit here moving the food around on my plate. I have lost my appetite and knowing me that's a big deal, I look up at you across the table from me. you haven't made much of dent in your meal either, I guess you are mad at me.

I understand your anger, I would be mad too if someone kept snapping at me all the time for every little thing. I give up the pretence of eating and go for what I really need; a drink. you look at me with accusations in your eyes, I ignore you.

Yes! I have been drinking a lot recently, Yes! I have been a bitch and then some, but truth is I'm heartbroken and I feel like there is no coming back from what happened. I know I said I had forgiven you and when I said it, I meant it. When I hear your voice, see your face I can forgive you for anything. Then afterwards, when I'm on my own I start to worry and the pain and confusion come back and I get upset all over again.

Worst part of all of this is the confusion I feel about everything. Someone once told me that what starts in chaos ends in chaos; so considering the chaotic way we came together a part of me has been waiting for the chaotic finale and I can't help feeling like it's here; that we are over.

I can't live without you, but right now I can't seem to live with you. I love you, God knows I love you but I'm soo angry.

I turn to look at you and it all falls away, the anger, the confusion, the pain, in this moment I know that all I want is you. I love you. I walk over to you, put down my drink, hold your face and say, "I love you, I'm sorry it took me this long to realise that that was more important than anything you may have done to me, please don't be mad at me any more."

You look at me and smile and suddenly there is sense in the chaos.

Size Matters

So I may have inadvertently impugned some guy's masculinity on twitter, sorry, but it got me thinking.
Size; is bigger always better?
Let's start with boobs since I have a set of those and while I'm not a member of the itty-bitty-titty parade, I'm no double d bombshell either I'm average. But I don't think I'd mind if I were smaller, hey I'm happy I got some cuz they took their sweet time getting here.
I mean isn't their purpose to provide u with a means feeding your young? So as long as u r capable of providing sustenance for your progeny, what does it matter if your tools are ant bite sized or gigantic double d's?
And dude, u don't shoot blanks and u don't have a problem rising to the occasion, what does it matter if u are equipped with a derringer or shotgun?
Well since I'm not naïve or innocent I know that to a lot of people it does matter, you've heard all the er.... Perks of being less endowed. For the ladies they say gravity doesn't get to you as much, you'll be perky long after boobilicious has flattened out, and hey usually small up means u get the booty to compensate and who doesn't like a nicely shaped derrière?
For the little men, praise about the stamina, endurance, excellent technique and willingness to please are heaped on their heads by many. Its not the size of the liner but the motion of the ocean.
But don't these platitudes just bring to bear the point that size matters? Bigger is better and we have to find something to tell those who fall below average to bolster their egos?
Personally I don't think size is important in these instances. I mean why should the fact u are smaller through no fault of yours but just your luck in genetic material determine your desireability to the opposite sex?
If u are obese then size matters because that's something that you can do something about, but how big or small your boobs are, are beyond your control.
Anyone that picks you or rejects you because of how big or small your endowments are is a superficial idiot, but then that's just my opinion, what do I know?
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana

Space for one

Is it possible to love more than one person at a time? To feel the same thing for two different people; the quantity and quality of that feeling being exactly the same for both people?
And I'm not just talking about romantic feelings, this goes for parents; a mother, does she love all her children equally? No favourites? Is that even possible?
Can a child bear both parents the same amount of love? If u only had one chance to save one friend would u let both drown cuz you couldn't choose one you loved the most to save?
Or is love; our feelings for the people in our lives like the list in my Secondary school, the "order of merit" with only one spot for the one you love the most and are all the rest just alternatives, options or second choices?
If so then it must really suck when you are not number one on your number one's list.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana

Hey Kid

I pass in front of my nursery school everyday on my way to the gym (yes, I'm finally going to the gym). Today I was thinking about my graduation from nursery school and I remembered a friend's blog post about a letter they would write to their past self. I wondered what I'd tell that 4year old version of myself if I could meet her, so here goes...
Hey kid,
Grab a paper and pencil and write all this down, first the bad news, 20yrs from now, you'll still be in school, sorry the mango business didn't work out like you planned. Please study hard with a little effort you can be a real brainiac!
Cartoons are great, you don't have to outgrow them and watch out for 'Megamind' its really cool. Bananas aren't gonna make ur voice any better, give it up already.
Daddy isn't a saint, and Adoma is pretty cool.
Leap frog is a fun game! Don't worry u aren't that heavy, u won't break anyone's back. You are always gonna lose every race u run, cuz u just can't run very fast.
In jss when u think he's broken your heart, he hasn't and the very next year he coming begging to you on his knees and u can tell him to f**k off! (But be nice, he's still gonna be one of ur best friends)
Wear shoes, mummy is right or else u won't be able to mention ur shoesize in public.
Keep reading, books are always going to be your best friends. Try to avoid falling so much, the scars don't go anywhere.
When u miraculously lose all that weight in SSS, don't take it for granted! work at maintaining it or U'll just gain it all back and then some (or at the very least take a lot more pictures of your skinny body!!).
Oh and there are some people in SSS u shd avoid like the plague, though you'll keep meeting them, wherever you go and the C2 class prefect is gonna be one of your best friends, so just stick with her. First day of school, find "sis" Charlene tell her about Laura and don't dump ur food in the trash when dat mean senior tells u to. Put that quiet Form1 girl in the bunk next to you, she's cool.
There are some boys you r gonna hate admitting you even knew so after SSS learn to bake or go for computer classes or something to keep yourself occupied and avoid the idiots.
University, keep ur eyes out for this really cool dude that gonna sweep u off ur feet, even though his arrogance is really annoying! Go to Brunei often there's someone there u have to meet! In Final year some idiot is gonna try and steal ur laptop so keep ur windows locked!!!
Generally keep the stupid sh*t to a minimum cuz you'll remember every single one with amazing clarity! Nothing u do will help u escape the consequences.
Take risks, don't let fear hold u back from some of the best things that could happen to you. Save a lot more, stuff just keep getting more expensive! and there are way cooler stuffer u'd want to own.
Don't forget God, U need him more than u need anyone or anything, if u do it takes a lot of work to find Him again.
Be true to yourself, don't compromise on what you believe in and remember that whatever you give yourself to, gives back to you.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana

Power over me

The power to hurt me.
Very few people have it.
But no one has as much of it as you do
Everytime I think I've taken it all back
All the power you have to hurt me
You do something carelessly, thoughtlessly
something I shouldn't care about
But I do
And it hurts
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana

This Week

I spent the week reconnecting with an old friend.
I started as a something to do, to occupy my time. Then it became the reason I got out of bed in the morning, even though all I wanted to do was curl up and hide from the world.
By the end of the week it was my life.
This week I found out that He, my friend and father had never left me, I'd just stopped taking the time to be with him, that He was there when I was down and needed Him and that He always would be.
I remembered the joy I had in Him, the joy that could make me smile no matter what I was going through.
I spent this week with God, my father and friend, I was just what I needed and it made me know that even when I had forsaken Him, He never forgot about me.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana