I spent the week reconnecting with an old friend.
I started as a something to do, to occupy my time. Then it became the reason I got out of bed in the morning, even though all I wanted to do was curl up and hide from the world.
By the end of the week it was my life.
This week I found out that He, my friend and father had never left me, I'd just stopped taking the time to be with him, that He was there when I was down and needed Him and that He always would be.
I remembered the joy I had in Him, the joy that could make me smile no matter what I was going through.
I spent this week with God, my father and friend, I was just what I needed and it made me know that even when I had forsaken Him, He never forgot about me.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Imagine Me
I have a powerful imagination, its a gift and a curse.
As a child I could create whole worlds in my head, it fascinated my mother that I could spend hours on my own entertained by nothing but my imagination.
In boarding school, when I craved some delicacy denied me by virtue of the fact that, well my school was in cape coast and most delicacies didn't travel well, I could regale my mates with such vivid descriptions of said delicacies that they would start to crave it too.
To date, daydreams are my go-to solution whenever I'm bored and can't get a book, or upset like during an exam when the paper is killing me, or I need something to distract me from thinking about something stupid I did or something painful I'm enduring. For those days when my brain just won't shut up, I imagine a world where everything is better. I have running storylines from the ones where I win the lottery and spend the rest of my days luxuriating in the Bahamas after my liposuction, to the ones where I ingest some miracle drug that boosts my IQ turning me into an instant genius. Armed with my repertoire of tales I imagined there was no situation I couldn't cope with, when it got too bad or too sad or just too much, I just powered down my brain and indulged in a fantasy.
Of course on the negative side my imagination tends to ran away from me sometimes, I can turn molehills into mountains, see trouble where there is none, sense impending doom, from mere silence.
A blessing and curse, but its all I've got, this imagination.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana
As a child I could create whole worlds in my head, it fascinated my mother that I could spend hours on my own entertained by nothing but my imagination.
In boarding school, when I craved some delicacy denied me by virtue of the fact that, well my school was in cape coast and most delicacies didn't travel well, I could regale my mates with such vivid descriptions of said delicacies that they would start to crave it too.
To date, daydreams are my go-to solution whenever I'm bored and can't get a book, or upset like during an exam when the paper is killing me, or I need something to distract me from thinking about something stupid I did or something painful I'm enduring. For those days when my brain just won't shut up, I imagine a world where everything is better. I have running storylines from the ones where I win the lottery and spend the rest of my days luxuriating in the Bahamas after my liposuction, to the ones where I ingest some miracle drug that boosts my IQ turning me into an instant genius. Armed with my repertoire of tales I imagined there was no situation I couldn't cope with, when it got too bad or too sad or just too much, I just powered down my brain and indulged in a fantasy.
Of course on the negative side my imagination tends to ran away from me sometimes, I can turn molehills into mountains, see trouble where there is none, sense impending doom, from mere silence.
A blessing and curse, but its all I've got, this imagination.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
The first kiss
Some facts are distorted by time and others are as clear as day.
I don't remember what excuse brought me to your place that day. I can't recall what day it was, but I do remember how you looked lying on the floor surrounded by pillows.
I remember tickling you, the feel of your skin, soft as silk.
I remember your laugh, maybe because I've heard it so many times since then.
The look in your eye when you told me to stop or else. The look that made keep tickling you.
I remember the thrill I felt as you leaned in, towards me; holding my breath in anticipation.
The feel of your lips, for the very first time.
I remember thinking it was over too fast, "no don't draw away". I remember wanting more, yet feeling replete.
I remember very little facts, but all the feelings...
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana
I don't remember what excuse brought me to your place that day. I can't recall what day it was, but I do remember how you looked lying on the floor surrounded by pillows.
I remember tickling you, the feel of your skin, soft as silk.
I remember your laugh, maybe because I've heard it so many times since then.
The look in your eye when you told me to stop or else. The look that made keep tickling you.
I remember the thrill I felt as you leaned in, towards me; holding my breath in anticipation.
The feel of your lips, for the very first time.
I remember thinking it was over too fast, "no don't draw away". I remember wanting more, yet feeling replete.
I remember very little facts, but all the feelings...
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
The Proposal
"I got it" he said softly to me,as I sat in the front seat. "Got what?" I asked distractedly trying to toss my carry-on into the backseat without whacking him in the head, though I sorely wanted to. I had been waiting for close to an hour and he wasn't even offering an apology.
"I got the job" he answered " I start next week". "That's great" I screamed enthusiastically. "Yea, it means a significant pay raise and more flexible working hours, which in turn means I can start the rental agency I've wanted to open and also..well, marry you!" He smiled "isn't that great, so pick a date and we'll tell your Dad" he continued with the smug expression of a man who assumed he had just fulfilled my heartfelt desires. As he rambled on and on about the changes this new job would wrought I allowed my mind to wander.
He had just proposed... Marriage, though in this case all knees remained unbent and it was more of a statement, than a proposal. But then I was no child with romantic illusions right? I was a woman grown who had been with this man for 7years, this same man and only this man. I knew him as well as, maybe even better than I knew myself and now I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. This one same man.
I'm scared; I realised. I'm scared and unsure. Maybe its best that he didn't ask because I'm not too sure my answer would have been yes?!
I love him, I know I do, but what do I know about love? He's all I know; what if there is something else? Something more?
Thoughts raced through my mind, doubts, longings I hadn't admitted to anyone, not even myself. I didn't notice anything as we drove past familiar sites, down a familiar road.
Who was I kidding, I'm 29 fast approaching 30, if I didn't marry Him, who would have me? I couldn't imagine meeting someone new and starting again.
The banging of the car door alerted me to the fact that we had gotten to our destination
He got out and walked toward the door of his Apartment, then he realised I was still in the car, still sitting in the passenger seat, unmoving.
"You coming?" He asked impatiently
"I...No" I answered but whether that was the answer to his question or to the proposal of marriage he had failed to give, I just didn't know.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana
"I got the job" he answered " I start next week". "That's great" I screamed enthusiastically. "Yea, it means a significant pay raise and more flexible working hours, which in turn means I can start the rental agency I've wanted to open and also..well, marry you!" He smiled "isn't that great, so pick a date and we'll tell your Dad" he continued with the smug expression of a man who assumed he had just fulfilled my heartfelt desires. As he rambled on and on about the changes this new job would wrought I allowed my mind to wander.
He had just proposed... Marriage, though in this case all knees remained unbent and it was more of a statement, than a proposal. But then I was no child with romantic illusions right? I was a woman grown who had been with this man for 7years, this same man and only this man. I knew him as well as, maybe even better than I knew myself and now I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. This one same man.
I'm scared; I realised. I'm scared and unsure. Maybe its best that he didn't ask because I'm not too sure my answer would have been yes?!
I love him, I know I do, but what do I know about love? He's all I know; what if there is something else? Something more?
Thoughts raced through my mind, doubts, longings I hadn't admitted to anyone, not even myself. I didn't notice anything as we drove past familiar sites, down a familiar road.
Who was I kidding, I'm 29 fast approaching 30, if I didn't marry Him, who would have me? I couldn't imagine meeting someone new and starting again.
The banging of the car door alerted me to the fact that we had gotten to our destination
He got out and walked toward the door of his Apartment, then he realised I was still in the car, still sitting in the passenger seat, unmoving.
"You coming?" He asked impatiently
"I...No" I answered but whether that was the answer to his question or to the proposal of marriage he had failed to give, I just didn't know.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana
Monday, July 25, 2011
Therapy.
Writing is therapy for me. I may never write the next great ghanaian novel, but I will always write. I've been blocked for a while. I've also been upset. I felt like I had no control over anything in my life. Most of my feelings about my lack of control originated from the fact that I was broke.
Today I decided to write about how I felt. In less than an hour I had four letters to four very important people in my life explaining to them and to myself why I was angry at them. It felt great. I hate confrontations of a personal nature so I deleted the letters but putting down my feelings in black and white made me feel better. Now I'm still broke but I'm no longer upset. What's therapeutic for you?
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana
Today I decided to write about how I felt. In less than an hour I had four letters to four very important people in my life explaining to them and to myself why I was angry at them. It felt great. I hate confrontations of a personal nature so I deleted the letters but putting down my feelings in black and white made me feel better. Now I'm still broke but I'm no longer upset. What's therapeutic for you?
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana
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