Saturday, October 31, 2009

All is fair in Love and War II

Is it fair to ask someone to give up everything for you when

  • · u have no intention of doing the same
  • · that person has not even asked you to

Is it fair to get mad when that person is up front about your place in their lives? Is it immature to be upset about being the other woman when that’s the position available for the other person in your life?

Human relationships are so complex and diverse; in my new position as an observer of human nature( due to my sudden abundance of free time) I have realised there are no absolutes in life, “good” people do bad things and “bad” people love with all their hearts. So maybe we should never ask or expect more from others than we do from ourselves....


Heartbreak is a fascinating phenomenon

It affects one party so significantly

And yet the other is left completely unscathed . . .

Friday, October 30, 2009


I'm so confused,
I could trust my feelings
but that would mean I have made a fundamental mistake
that would mean I'm not as good a judge of character as I've always believed

I'm so confused,
when I enter I feel the glare
when I turn I spy the smirk

I could trust my feelings and stop before I lose all pride
I could ignore it all and experience something wonderful
but what if my feelings are right,
what if it is not paranoia but justifiable apprehension
I'm so confused . . .


The call woke me up at dawn, ok it was more like 8am but when you just went to bed four hours ago it feels like dawn. Anyway, the voice over the phone (it was way too early for me to wrap me head around who the voice belonged to, so I still don’t who messed up my sleep) informed me that my 5pm class had been moved up to 1:30.

They say bad news comes in pairs, just as I dragged myself to the bathroom to wake myself up a cold shower; another call, this time to inform me of a hitherto unknown assignment to be submitted at none other than the newly established 1:30 class.

At this point realising that my wonderfully scheduled day had gone up in flames I dedicated the rest of my day to preparing an assignment I was a 100% sure was never given ( kids, here’s some free advice; never follow the crowd, do only what YOU believe is right).

Now this is where it gets frustrating and annoying, I go for the class with my neatly typed and printed assignment, the lecturer (about whom I’ll reserve all comments after all anyone could be reading even you, Mr...)

  • · mentions the assignment; insists he gave it to as last week to be submitted this week
  • · states that due to low level of attendance, the lecture will be replaced with a tutorial session
  • · then he goes ahead and has a lecture anyway

at this point the lack of sleep and extensive use of my brain too early in the day, combined with my lecturer’s confusing actions means I sat through a 2 hour lecture and left the class no wiser in the law.

Then, this distinguished lecturer leaves the class without collecting the assignment I spent all morning labouring over (and threw all my plans for the day [mainly sleeping but hey! sleep is important] out the window to complete on time) but not before he gives another assignment.

All in all today was a lovely day, don’t you agree?

Worlds Apart?

I tried to reconnect with a long lost friend yesterday. When we were in boarding school we were inseparable, then we graduated and she left the country for University. Initially we kept in touch, we called each other, texted, sent mail . . . but over the course of four years that just kind of faded out. Now we have drifted so far apart. This is a girl I could tell everything but now the conversation was stilted and awkward. We had virtually nothing in common anymore, and though this is someone I haven’t seen or spoken to in ages, upon the realisation that I had lost a very good friend (there will be several chapters dedicated to our complex and engaging relationship in my autobiography) the pain was surprisingly intense.

As I mourned the loss of a Great Friend, I’ll take this opportunity celebrate the Great Friends these four years in university have yielded me . . . I LOVE Y’ALL SO MUCH, EVEN WHEN I DON’T SHOW IT!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

At Loose Ends

Today was spent doing what I seem to spend all my time doing nowadays; which is absolutely nothing.

I see everyone going about their day with purpose and focus; my schedule for the day is depressingly empty.

I never thought I would say this but having so much free time is slowly driving me insane.

It doesn’t help that apart from having nothing to do, I am alone.

Basically I have all this time to spend with only myself, surrounded by couples with so much to do that they have very little time for their lonely friend with too much time on her hands.

This is an urgent, desperate appeal; someone please help me before I jump off a building; At least then I'll have something to do. . .

Friday, October 23, 2009

Phenomenally feminine

I'm very happy that I am a woman despite the fact that I
  1. will never be able to pee standing up (trust me i've tried)
  2. will always have to work twice as hard to get the same amount of professional recognition as a man
  3. cannot indulge in the same amount of casual sex as a man of my age without being labelled a slut
  4. will always be under tremendous amounts of pressure to look great and my body will always be one of the first things anyone notices about me
  5. will one day endure hours of pain, some sadist decided to call labour (seriously Eve, me and you need to talk, was the apple really worth it?).

Yeah, I love that I'm a woman, especially because

1. I can wear pink (of every shade) and drink those colourful, fruity cocktails in bars without everyone assuming I'm GAY

2. when I do achieve something in life, it will seem like an even bigger deal than it really is, just because I'm a woman

3. when I get aroused I don't have a built-in signal to alert the whole world

4. don't have to worry about how to pick up someone in a bar, all I have to do is sit and they come running

5. I have my own BOOBS so I don't have to spend my whole life trying to touch someone else's


I spent last night watching a show (instead of studying for mid semester exams) called "lie to me", and in it there is a guy that practises radical honesty. He never lies; not even by omission.
I was impressed and thought about how simpler life would be if we took a page out of his book and gave radical honesty a try. Hey the truth is supposed to set you free, isn't it?
But what about the person who hears the truth, how free that is make him or her? Not all lies are told maliciously, there are the little white lies we tell to spare someone's feelings , or to be polite, the stuff we don't say because they are unnecessary; I mean do you really have to tell your mother that her favourite dress makes her look fat, or your girlfriend that last Christmas you got drunk and made out with a random girl you will probably never see again, or your husband that he doesn't even make the list of the top ten lovers you have ever had?
I guess, all I really want to know is; is the freedom we get from telling the truth worth the pain we might cause; does radical truth really simplify life or is it just an excuse to be a selfish, rude, in considerate but truthful person?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


I went up there for a little air,
and found so much more
I found a friend with a ready ear;
He actually just listened,none of the judgement I fear
Such simple things should be easy to find
but surprisingly, amazingly they're not.
So thank you my friend,
for a wonderful night.
And I hope someday,
We'll be together again
Just sitting and talking . . . on my Rooftop.

Sunday, October 18, 2009


LONG, SILKY, HEALTHY HAIR, the mark of beauty in a female ( I was recently informed by a classmate of mine: a boy).
This got me thinking, I have a knack for helping others attain this ideal BUT personally I have been cursed with hair that refuses to grow past chin length.
In my usual pragmatic fashion, (yeah right) I have decided to stop moaning my own mane management issues and dedicate myself to the admirable goal of aiding my sisters in their bid to achieve long, silky, healthy hair, and hope that the gods of the tresses will see my good deeds and reward me accordingly.
But until my gift from the gods arrives I will stick to my refrain
"Oh! I like my hair at this length so I keep cutting it, I have no idea how to manage long hair ( like I couldn't learn)"
and occasionally escape from my reality with the help of other people's hair.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

What makes a girl cheat on her Man?

Some people say a girl only cheats cuz she loves the new man more...... I say that nothing is ever black or white just shades of gray.
Someone once said to me
"I love a Man with all my heart, but I know another that can make me smile, and yet another that can make me soooooo MAD and yet I always forgive him, another reminds me of my lover and eases my loneliness when my lover is absent, yet still another has a body that makes me drool, and another gives me the kind of attention and care that cannot be ignored, and even a Woman who opens up worlds I never knew existed, so what that I have a Man I love with all my heart. Are there not different kinds of love and can I not feel them all for different people?"
I don't know what You would say to my friend but my answer is this:
Love is a commitment and a choice. You may fall in love with someone without intending to, but it's a choice to stay in love with that person and honour that commitment. So why sully that commitment by cheating on the one you love and then try to justify it by saying that there are different kinds of love...... Yes! There are different kinds and DEGREES of love, you love everyone differently and in the same vein the amount of feeling you have will differ from person to person ; some you will love deeply, others you will not love at all; So instead of spreading pieces of yourself and your love among different people why don't you give ALL of your love and yourself to the one person who truly loves you back and stick to the choice you made, for better or for worse.................

Saturday, October 10, 2009


The room was well lit yet i got the same feeling one gets in a horror flick, just before the scary, bloodthirsty killer jumps out from behind the hero and saws him in half.
Then HE walks up to me and the torture begins .................
Up and Down, Left and Right, Side to Side
till every bone in my body aches
and every muscle burns with pain
this is pure torture and i willingly submitted to it
can i plead temporary insanity
i would give anything for some relief
and promise on all i hold dear that i will not consume another morsel if it will save me from another day at the gym................

Friday, October 9, 2009


i promised myself that in 2009 i would turn over a new leaf;
  • i would lose weight sensibly by undergoing a lifestyle change; i.e. healthy diet and exercise not drugs and starvation
  • i would be a better daughter and sister, cuz i have a lovely family and they deserve better
  • i would also be a better friend cuz let's face it i was a pretty crappy friend in the preceding years
  • i would be disciplined and principled, work harder to achieve what i want in life instead of waiting for it to be handed to me (which it never is)
and several more resolutions to that effect.

Today i realized that it is October, two months to the end of the year and
  • if any change has occcured with regards to my body size, then i have gained weight
  • my family love me a lot, but it is not due to any special efforts on my part i guess they realize they are stuck with me so they gotta love me
  • what few friends i had left i lost due to 'my lovely nature'
  • and as for the discipline and principles; well seriously do i have to spell it out for you
i guess i better pray to God that i live to meet 2010 so i can try all over again....