Monday, November 29, 2010
At a point in time, you were my life but not anymore.
My heart has room for two; or maybe even more.
But don't despair, this doesn't mean I love the new one more.
Just that the flash that comes with the new has currently blinded me to what is true.
And that is you and me.
But baby please remember me, and the love I have for you
So though it seems I pay you no mind, I would never give you up
I moved heaven and earth to ensure that I could have you both
I love you both just in different ways, not one more than the other.
You were my first, the one I choose for no other reason but for what you are
I saw a picture of you and knew you were meant to be mine and somehow we came to be.
So now you are not the only one but remember boo this is not the first time another had infringed on our love, and what was the end of that interloper?
So bear with my as I have my fling and know to you, I will always return...
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from MTN Ghana
Thursday, November 11, 2010
You made me feel smart and special and had me convinced me that I was on the right track.
Then the vacation ended, I went back to school and everything fell apart. I would like to give a reasonable explanation for my actions but I cannot, anything I say would sound trite and derisory. Though you will probably not believe me, the inanity that guided my actions are still a mystery to me. Now all our interactions are stilted and awkward, me because of guilt and regret, and I can only fathom a guess as to the reason for your disregard (disappointment, indifference).
I miss the 'us' from that vacation, but it will never be that way again. I could apologise but I have, so many times, and gone back to old habits so I guess 'sorry' loses impact after so many repititions.
I write this now because I made it to law school (barely) and you are constantly on my mind. When I think 'lawyer' well you pop into my mind. I said I was happy You didn't take the lecturing job, but I failed to explain myself; It's not because I think you would not be great at it, because you would, you are a natural mentor, but because I am selfish, You are my 'guru'(at least in my mind), I do not want my whole class benefitting from you, plus I would not be able to bear being in your class and being ignored by you.
Oh if you read my earlier post 'soundtrack' then your song is 'Refuge' by John Legend.
Monday, November 8, 2010
|psychiatric disorder with delusions of power: a psychiatric disorder in which the patient experiences delusions of great power and importance|
Microsoft® Encarta® 2009. © 1993-2008 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
So all through my childhood, I harboured this secret belief ( secret cuz even at that age I knew how insane people would find me) that my life was a movie starring yours truly as the protagonist; everyone I met was just a character in the movie of my life put on this earth so they could have a role in my life, the people I passed on the street, created to be extras in said movie and as the star of the movie no one was more important than me! I even had voice overs and soundtracks or theme music for significant scenes in my life.
Now older and wiser I suspect this is not necessarily the case, I know the world does not revolve around me but I did keep certain aspects of my childhood delusions. I still do voice overs for certain moments in my life, always in my head of course, and the music also remained.
There are several songs that I will always associate with particular events and people in my life; like John legend's album 'Get lifted' will always be the music I remember when I think of the year after I finished Secondary School, when I think about my Mum the song I remember is Nana Acheampong's 'na enka be yeden na ye wo ya' cuz we used to dance to it at every party we went to; my pal from SS, any Missy Elliot Song cuz in my mind a Missy song played every time she walked into the room, the theme song for my first year in college was 'conceited' by Remy.
Some people, their theme music changes from time to time, like my boyfriend, when we met it was 'Me and You' by Cassie, then when we first started going out it 'Can't leave him alone' ciara ft 50cents, then 'No Air' Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown, and now its Forever By M.I.; my dear friend has also had a lot of songs and we are finally on 'count on me' by Bruno Mars.
Music means a lot to me and I'm always up for trying new songs of different genres, I suppose that's why most of my emotions towards people are linked with music, if I know you and have any kind of association with you, I've probably assigned a song to you so when you see me ask me what your theme song is...
Saturday, November 6, 2010
So I hope and pray you know without me saying the words out loud.
That you know that when I call you with nothing in particular to say, it's because I miss you.
That when i stare at you with a smile on my face, not saying a word, I'm thinking about how much I love you.
I hope you know that you can come to me whenever, with whatever and I would drop it all to be there for you.
That nothing you do to me is unforgiveable, that nothing you say is wrong, as long as it's honest.
That more than anything I want to know you, all of you, everthing about you, your fears, hopes, worries and dreams and I hope you can share them with me; that I want you to know me and wish I could share it all with you even those things that I hide from myself.
I want you to know how great I think you are, and all the times I go on and on about how wonderful I find you, it's not flattery, just simple truth.
I would give the world to fall asleep beside you for one more night, the whole night long, so in the morning when I wake up, yours is the first face I see, but unfortunately the world is not mine to give.
I love you.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
However i cant discuss any of these significantly more interesting topics because frankly i do not feel like it. I woke up this morning in a really wierd mood. Everyone around me was pissing me off, for no aparent reason. I found myself missing the wierdest missing people; like my roommate from final year and my best friend from boarding school, actually think I might have dreamt about them.
Thing is i couldn't talk about what i wanted to talk about this morning because considering my emotional state it is very likely that i'll be very irrational in my views but I still wanted to blog hence this very random post.