Size Matters

So I may have inadvertently impugned some guy's masculinity on twitter, sorry, but it got me thinking.
Size; is bigger always better?
Let's start with boobs since I have a set of those and while I'm not a member of the itty-bitty-titty parade, I'm no double d bombshell either I'm average. But I don't think I'd mind if I were smaller, hey I'm happy I got some cuz they took their sweet time getting here.
I mean isn't their purpose to provide u with a means feeding your young? So as long as u r capable of providing sustenance for your progeny, what does it matter if your tools are ant bite sized or gigantic double d's?
And dude, u don't shoot blanks and u don't have a problem rising to the occasion, what does it matter if u are equipped with a derringer or shotgun?
Well since I'm not naïve or innocent I know that to a lot of people it does matter, you've heard all the er.... Perks of being less endowed. For the ladies they say gravity doesn't get to you as much, you'll be perky long after boobilicious has flattened out, and hey usually small up means u get the booty to compensate and who doesn't like a nicely shaped derrière?
For the little men, praise about the stamina, endurance, excellent technique and willingness to please are heaped on their heads by many. Its not the size of the liner but the motion of the ocean.
But don't these platitudes just bring to bear the point that size matters? Bigger is better and we have to find something to tell those who fall below average to bolster their egos?
Personally I don't think size is important in these instances. I mean why should the fact u are smaller through no fault of yours but just your luck in genetic material determine your desireability to the opposite sex?
If u are obese then size matters because that's something that you can do something about, but how big or small your boobs are, are beyond your control.
Anyone that picks you or rejects you because of how big or small your endowments are is a superficial idiot, but then that's just my opinion, what do I know?
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Space for one

Is it possible to love more than one person at a time? To feel the same thing for two different people; the quantity and quality of that feeling being exactly the same for both people?
And I'm not just talking about romantic feelings, this goes for parents; a mother, does she love all her children equally? No favourites? Is that even possible?
Can a child bear both parents the same amount of love? If u only had one chance to save one friend would u let both drown cuz you couldn't choose one you loved the most to save?
Or is love; our feelings for the people in our lives like the list in my Secondary school, the "order of merit" with only one spot for the one you love the most and are all the rest just alternatives, options or second choices?
If so then it must really suck when you are not number one on your number one's list.
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Hey Kid

I pass in front of my nursery school everyday on my way to the gym (yes, I'm finally going to the gym). Today I was thinking about my graduation from nursery school and I remembered a friend's blog post about a letter they would write to their past self. I wondered what I'd tell that 4year old version of myself if I could meet her, so here goes...
Hey kid,
Grab a paper and pencil and write all this down, first the bad news, 20yrs from now, you'll still be in school, sorry the mango business didn't work out like you planned. Please study hard with a little effort you can be a real brainiac!
Cartoons are great, you don't have to outgrow them and watch out for 'Megamind' its really cool. Bananas aren't gonna make ur voice any better, give it up already.
Daddy isn't a saint, and Adoma is pretty cool.
Leap frog is a fun game! Don't worry u aren't that heavy, u won't break anyone's back. You are always gonna lose every race u run, cuz u just can't run very fast.
In jss when u think he's broken your heart, he hasn't and the very next year he coming begging to you on his knees and u can tell him to f**k off! (But be nice, he's still gonna be one of ur best friends)
Wear shoes, mummy is right or else u won't be able to mention ur shoesize in public.
Keep reading, books are always going to be your best friends. Try to avoid falling so much, the scars don't go anywhere.
When u miraculously lose all that weight in SSS, don't take it for granted! work at maintaining it or U'll just gain it all back and then some (or at the very least take a lot more pictures of your skinny body!!).
Oh and there are some people in SSS u shd avoid like the plague, though you'll keep meeting them, wherever you go and the C2 class prefect is gonna be one of your best friends, so just stick with her. First day of school, find "sis" Charlene tell her about Laura and don't dump ur food in the trash when dat mean senior tells u to. Put that quiet Form1 girl in the bunk next to you, she's cool.
There are some boys you r gonna hate admitting you even knew so after SSS learn to bake or go for computer classes or something to keep yourself occupied and avoid the idiots.
University, keep ur eyes out for this really cool dude that gonna sweep u off ur feet, even though his arrogance is really annoying! Go to Brunei often there's someone there u have to meet! In Final year some idiot is gonna try and steal ur laptop so keep ur windows locked!!!
Generally keep the stupid sh*t to a minimum cuz you'll remember every single one with amazing clarity! Nothing u do will help u escape the consequences.
Take risks, don't let fear hold u back from some of the best things that could happen to you. Save a lot more, stuff just keep getting more expensive! and there are way cooler stuffer u'd want to own.
Don't forget God, U need him more than u need anyone or anything, if u do it takes a lot of work to find Him again.
Be true to yourself, don't compromise on what you believe in and remember that whatever you give yourself to, gives back to you.
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Power over me

The power to hurt me.
Very few people have it.
But no one has as much of it as you do
Everytime I think I've taken it all back
All the power you have to hurt me
You do something carelessly, thoughtlessly
something I shouldn't care about
But I do
And it hurts
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This Week

I spent the week reconnecting with an old friend.
I started as a something to do, to occupy my time. Then it became the reason I got out of bed in the morning, even though all I wanted to do was curl up and hide from the world.
By the end of the week it was my life.
This week I found out that He, my friend and father had never left me, I'd just stopped taking the time to be with him, that He was there when I was down and needed Him and that He always would be.
I remembered the joy I had in Him, the joy that could make me smile no matter what I was going through.
I spent this week with God, my father and friend, I was just what I needed and it made me know that even when I had forsaken Him, He never forgot about me.
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Imagine Me

I have a powerful imagination, its a gift and a curse.
As a child I could create whole worlds in my head, it fascinated my mother that I could spend hours on my own entertained by nothing but my imagination.
In boarding school, when I craved some delicacy denied me by virtue of the fact that, well my school was in cape coast and most delicacies didn't travel well, I could regale my mates with such vivid descriptions of said delicacies that they would start to crave it too.
To date, daydreams are my go-to solution whenever I'm bored and can't get a book, or upset like during an exam when the paper is killing me, or I need something to distract me from thinking about something stupid I did or something painful I'm enduring. For those days when my brain just won't shut up, I imagine a world where everything is better. I have running storylines from the ones where I win the lottery and spend the rest of my days luxuriating in the Bahamas after my liposuction, to the ones where I ingest some miracle drug that boosts my IQ turning me into an instant genius. Armed with my repertoire of tales I imagined there was no situation I couldn't cope with, when it got too bad or too sad or just too much, I just powered down my brain and indulged in a fantasy.
Of course on the negative side my imagination tends to ran away from me sometimes, I can turn molehills into mountains, see trouble where there is none, sense impending doom, from mere silence.
A blessing and curse, but its all I've got, this imagination.
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The first kiss

Some facts are distorted by time and others are as clear as day.
I don't remember what excuse brought me to your place that day. I can't recall what day it was, but I do remember how you looked lying on the floor surrounded by pillows.
I remember tickling you, the feel of your skin, soft as silk.
I remember your laugh, maybe because I've heard it so many times since then.
The look in your eye when you told me to stop or else. The look that made keep tickling you.
I remember the thrill I felt as you leaned in, towards me; holding my breath in anticipation.
The feel of your lips, for the very first time.
I remember thinking it was over too fast, "no don't draw away". I remember wanting more, yet feeling replete.
I remember very little facts, but all the feelings...
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The Proposal

"I got it" he said softly to me,as I sat in the front seat. "Got what?" I asked distractedly trying to toss my carry-on into the backseat without whacking him in the head, though I sorely wanted to. I had been waiting for close to an hour and he wasn't even offering an apology.
"I got the job" he answered " I start next week". "That's great" I screamed enthusiastically. "Yea, it means a significant pay raise and more flexible working hours, which in turn means I can start the rental agency I've wanted to open and also..well, marry you!" He smiled "isn't that great, so pick a date and we'll tell your Dad" he continued with the smug expression of a man who assumed he had just fulfilled my heartfelt desires. As he rambled on and on about the changes this new job would wrought I allowed my mind to wander.
He had just proposed... Marriage, though in this case all knees remained unbent and it was more of a statement, than a proposal. But then I was no child with romantic illusions right? I was a woman grown who had been with this man for 7years, this same man and only this man. I knew him as well as, maybe even better than I knew myself and now I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. This one same man.
I'm scared; I realised. I'm scared and unsure. Maybe its best that he didn't ask because I'm not too sure my answer would have been yes?!
I love him, I know I do, but what do I know about love? He's all I know; what if there is something else? Something more?
Thoughts raced through my mind, doubts, longings I hadn't admitted to anyone, not even myself. I didn't notice anything as we drove past familiar sites, down a familiar road.
Who was I kidding, I'm 29 fast approaching 30, if I didn't marry Him, who would have me? I couldn't imagine meeting someone new and starting again.
The banging of the car door alerted me to the fact that we had gotten to our destination
He got out and walked toward the door of his Apartment, then he realised I was still in the car, still sitting in the passenger seat, unmoving.
"You coming?" He asked impatiently
"I...No" I answered but whether that was the answer to his question or to the proposal of marriage he had failed to give, I just didn't know.
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Therapy.

Writing is therapy for me. I may never write the next great ghanaian novel, but I will always write. I've been blocked for a while. I've also been upset. I felt like I had no control over anything in my life. Most of my feelings about my lack of control originated from the fact that I was broke.
Today I decided to write about how I felt. In less than an hour I had four letters to four very important people in my life explaining to them and to myself why I was angry at them. It felt great. I hate confrontations of a personal nature so I deleted the letters but putting down my feelings in black and white made me feel better. Now I'm still broke but I'm no longer upset. What's therapeutic for you?
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More than me

I must be a better actor than u give me credit for, if you didn't see the pain your actions caused,
My lies must be more believable than I thought, if you believed me when I said I was fine.
You break my heart over and over,
And still I come back for more.
I must be a masochist to your sadist
Or you must be obtuse if you don't see the pain you cause me
Are my expectations unreasonable?
Do I set myself up to be devastated?
Is this all my fault?
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It's not you, it's me.

I can't blame you if you don't feel the same
I can't get mad just because you don't see my pain
It's not your fault, you don't see my unspoken needs
We are different; you and I
It's my own failing, my shortcoming
That I would move mountains for u, but stones keep u from me
That I would never let a 'no' keep me from granting ur smallest wish, but 'maybes' sway u from putting a smile on my face
It's not your fault.....it must be mine.
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Know how to love you right

We don't know what we have till we lose it
I've heard it said, I don't want it said about me. I know what I have. I love who I have.
I find myself losing sight of it. There's so much going on, so many things wrong, and overwhelming but you are the one thing I got right and I'm scared I might be messing that up too.
You know how to love me. You take care of me, before I even notice that I needed help.
I worry that I don't do the same with you. That I miss all the little things that make all the difference and now it seems I'm dropping the big balls too.
What happens when the right woman loves you wrong?
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For You

Tears ran down my face for you
For all the tears you would never shed
For all the sounds you would never hear
For all the sights you would never see
For all the smiles you would never grace me with
I wept until I thought my heart would break
For you, I cried my heart out.
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Growing Pains

It's March, the bestest best month of the year; mainly because it was the month in which I was born.
I love birthdays especially my birthday.
This year its bittersweet; birthday means more than cakes, presents and fun its means growing up, growing older. It means choices, repercussions and responsibilities. It means expectations and can you meet them?
So I'm gonna be older before this month is done and this year I'm making it about more than cakes, personally that is; don't worry all my loved ones, your roles in my birthday are still the same: yes immature A is still alive and kicking! I'm growing older not insane! I still have the wish list and please refer to said wishlist if u are having any difficulties finding me a gift.
The Wishlist.
1. A surprise party ( all loved ones can pitch in with this one)
2. A car
3. An HP Envy laptop, 14" special Beats edition
4. An Ipad#2 3G or a Playbook
5. Beats by Dre earphones
6. A BlackBerry Bold 9780, white with a sexy new case to protect the colour.
7. An external Hard disk- 500g and upwards
8. Jewellery
9. Lipgloss, preferably from H&M or Victoria's secret
10. Shoes and/or bags ( contact in camera for shoe size)
11. African Print cloth
12. Gym membership or swimming lessons
13. A Spa Day or weekend if u are feeling particularly generous
14. Cake- red velvet, black forest, or just very chocolately cake
15. BIS (? service) payment for the month of YOUR choice.
16. A plane ticket to a destination of my choice
17. Money - cash, cheque or any viable payment method.
18. Perfume ( covet by Sarah Jessica Parker if possible but any other kind will be appreciated)
This list is in no particular order and is intended as a guide. Friends and Family can present gifts not included on this list and remember its the thought that counts; always.
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My First Years

There was my first year in SSS, then my first year in university. And both times u were there; have been there ever since.
And like everything, everybody that doesn't cause u pain, well I'm ashamed to say, I've taken u for granted.
I assume u'll always be here and I don't say thank u often enough.
U been around when I was happy and when I was sad. U stood by me when I was stupid and hurtful, and gave me advice even when I fought it.
When I think about my first years, my beginnings, those times when I most needed guidance and support, those times when I most needed a friend they are filled with memories of you.
I stood at Gaza, at our wall and thought about my first year there, with you and I realised I never said thanks, for being there. For guiding me, and being there for me. For making my first year extraordinary.
Basically thank you for being you. Its been a long time coming, thanks for being my friend.
P.S. The song should have been called 'Part of me'. Its the only title that makes sense!
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Midnight thoughts

Why do we love even when it hurts,
And what do u do when love dies
Why do we grow older when youth holds so much joy,
And the belief that we are invulnerable.
Why do I lie awake at night with confused thoughts and a yearning heart
Why does time speed up when I beg it to drag
And drag when I wish that it would fly
Why am I me, and you, you
And is it too late to change?
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Life happened

I visited my old school recently, had fun but it was still a weird experience.
I have missed that place,well all of it except the lectures.
I had fun in that school. Though it wasn't all fun. There was heartache. And pain.
There was this day that I will never forget; I sat on the roof in my hostel and cried my heart out, positive that I could never get over that pain but guess what, I did. That roof was the scene of many pivotal events and epiphanies of my college years.
So I sat on my roof again and thought about my life then and my life now; I had a lot of time on my hands in college and my priorities were different, now I can hardly take time to breathe
People I spent all my time with in school, I hardly talk to anymore; things I thought were essential, I hardly think about anymore.
And its not just me; all around me, people I went to school with, friends I shared my college life with are evolving, changing. We hardly have time for each other anymore. We go days without talking when before we couldn't go an hour before checking in.
I've drifted from my friends, my wants, needs and desires have changed, and I wondered why?
Then it hit me, life happened, I'm all grown up or at least well on my way to growing up and there's no going back
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Touch

I've never been one who yearned to be held
Always slept like the dead when no one else was in my bed
I've never particularly understood why you would need to be cradled
Never hugged too long, or shook hands at will
But with you I get it, with you I crave it
To be held, to be cuddled
To hold hands whilst driving
I sit beside you in a crowded room
And I wish we were alone so I could touch you
With you, I finally understand it
The power of a touch...
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Saviour

I wish you would scale the walls for me
I wish you would hear my silent scream
I wish you could see the tears that don't fall from my eyes
Feel the shudders that wrack my body as I try to hold on
I wish you could stop the pain, the despair
I wish you would, you could save me.....
Anonymous
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