"I got it" he said softly to me,as I sat in the front seat. "Got what?" I asked distractedly trying to toss my carry-on into the backseat without whacking him in the head, though I sorely wanted to. I had been waiting for close to an hour and he wasn't even offering an apology.
"I got the job" he answered " I start next week". "That's great" I screamed enthusiastically. "Yea, it means a significant pay raise and more flexible working hours, which in turn means I can start the rental agency I've wanted to open and also..well, marry you!" He smiled "isn't that great, so pick a date and we'll tell your Dad" he continued with the smug expression of a man who assumed he had just fulfilled my heartfelt desires. As he rambled on and on about the changes this new job would wrought I allowed my mind to wander.
He had just proposed... Marriage, though in this case all knees remained unbent and it was more of a statement, than a proposal. But then I was no child with romantic illusions right? I was a woman grown who had been with this man for 7years, this same man and only this man. I knew him as well as, maybe even better than I knew myself and now I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. This one same man.
I'm scared; I realised. I'm scared and unsure. Maybe its best that he didn't ask because I'm not too sure my answer would have been yes?!
I love him, I know I do, but what do I know about love? He's all I know; what if there is something else? Something more?
Thoughts raced through my mind, doubts, longings I hadn't admitted to anyone, not even myself. I didn't notice anything as we drove past familiar sites, down a familiar road.
Who was I kidding, I'm 29 fast approaching 30, if I didn't marry Him, who would have me? I couldn't imagine meeting someone new and starting again.
The banging of the car door alerted me to the fact that we had gotten to our destination
He got out and walked toward the door of his Apartment, then he realised I was still in the car, still sitting in the passenger seat, unmoving.
"You coming?" He asked impatiently
"I...No" I answered but whether that was the answer to his question or to the proposal of marriage he had failed to give, I just didn't know.
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