Weighty matters

"Weight isn't important the way the magazines make you think it is. I know a girl, who just looks at her face in the medicine cabinet mirror and never looks below her shoulders, and she's four or five hundred pounds but she doesn't see all that."

-Andy Warhol

I have always had weight issues even when I was skinny. Okay who am I kidding I’ve never been skinny but I have had periods where I was passably slim. Even as a child I was told over and over again how chubby I was (and some people weren’t even that polite) a neighbour of mine threw all euphemisms to the wind and went as far as to call me a little piglet; my mother was not amused.

Looking back at pictures of my formative years I have to disagree with most of my weight guessers, I WAS NOT FAT, not even chubby. I may have been bigger than most girls my age but that was no reason to harangue me about my weight. So as young as five years old I determined that I was fat and have since then been extremely self-conscious about my weight. Over the years my weight has fluctuated from big to emaciated (okay I never actually got there) but I have never been able to remain slim for a significant amount of time. In fact there are several funny facts about my weighty matters

• · I have never set out to lose weight via proper diet and exercise and actually lost any weight (however at this juncture I am obliged to admit that I lack the willpower to follow through when I plan said dietary regime on paper)
• · The few times I have lost weight it has been purely by accident and without my knowledge, as soon as said weight loss is brought to my attention, it ceases and in most instances weight gain commences immediately.
• · Every New Year, a plan to take control of my weight and stop bitching about it whiles doing nothing about it, is at the top of my list of New Year resolutions. This plan doesn’t make it past January 1^st.
• · In my mind I’m a lot slimmer than I actually am so whenever I catch a glimpse of myself unexpectedly I am shocked by how big I actually am.

All in all I’m a slim girl stuck in a big girl’s body with the appetite of sumo wrestler and the energy level of a comatose octogenarian.

And that’s that.